Uncle Steven's Lessons by Tayla Rivera

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    Tayla Rivera
    Ms. Beltrami
    Period 2
    September 26, 2011
    
    Uncle Steven's Lessons
    
    I always used to hold grudges and thought that life was long enough. I thought that if you stayed mad at people it did not really matter because you would eventually find other people to replace them with. I was wrong. About four years ago an uncle, whom I was close with since I was younger, was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
    
    Once he was diagnosed, the doctors gave him a few months to live after all the surgeries and procedures he had to go through. He was in his early fifties. My uncle did not want to hear it, he was such a fighter. He lasted four whole years with his battle. Then he passed away after his long road of fighting and beating the odds.
    
    During my uncles long battle he never got along with his father (my grandfather). He always had said that he never wanted him at his wake if anything happened to him during his battle. Near the end of my uncles four year battle he finally wanted to make peace with my grandfather because he knew God would not take him if he did not make peace with all of the people in his life.
    
    We had all knew his death was coming we never wanted to accept it though. His death made me open my eyes and realize a lot though. I learned that no matter what you go through with someone you can never hold a grudge. No matter how bad the fight is, or how upset you get with the person because life is way to short to stay mad. You never know what people have going on in their lives. I learned that no one is perfect you have to accept people for who they are and what they believe in.
    
    Another thing my uncle taught me was how to be strong and courageous. When you have cancer you only have a certain time limit from your doctors. My uncle was given months to live after his chemo-thearpy and surgeries. But he fought and did not give up. He lasted four years with his cancer. He beat the odds and never gave up. He knew he had to be strong and courageous if he wanted to continue his life and that is exactly what he did. He was dedicated to surviving and I learned if I want something I have to fight my hardest to get it and fight my hardest to win all my battles.
    
    I know now that holding grudges is not worth it. You have to let go and make peace in order to be happy. Wether you want to be happy in life or in your after life. You have to make peace with everyone in your life, and just forgive and forget. Thats a life long lesson my Uncle’s death taught me and I’ll always remember it. My uncle was one of the greatest men a lot. He taught me so much in my short life. I will never forget my uncle or his amazing courage and strength to fight as long as he did.
    
    
    Thank you Tayla,
    Aunty Betty
    X <3 X

7th Homicide of the Year Reported in the City of Providence | WPRI.com

7th Homicide of the Year Reported in the City of Providence | WPRI.com

Lost for Words...

My Dearest Steven...my true love...


Today is such a cold hearted day...theres nothing I can say or do that would ease the pain and suffering that this family and myself are going through. I'm saddened and in such disbelief that such a tragedy would and did strike us again. I do know in my heart that you have opened your arms to your oldest son Steven & welcomed him in the kingdom of the Lord and that has lead me to some peace that he has not entered Heaven alone. I feel so numb right now... like this is all just a dream. You have left my world just over 5 months ago and I'm still grieving your loss...and will never close this hole in my heart. Now... Im grieving over the loss of your son...my step-son Steven. Take care of him ... 143 <3

R.I.P Steven Latimer

10/04/1987-10/02/2011

I Miss You....

I miss you a little, I guess you could say...
A little too much, a little too often, and a little more each day....

Constant Pain

Dearest Steven,
I just can't seem to get you out of my mind.
It's been just a little over three months now since we said our good byes and I'm still feeling so much pain inside since losing you. I want you to know that great friends and family keep telling me that "Time Heals All Pain" and "I will feel better as time goes by", or "your gonna have Good and Bad days but things will get better." but, they have no idea... no idea that this pain will never go away and NO things will not get better. We had something very special my love...a bond of friendship and true love that only comes in ones lifetime. Steven, you know theres not a day that goes by that I don't cry out for you and I would do anything to have you back in my life. You where and still remain my entire world. I surely can't say "If you only knew" how I feel, for I believe you do know. I can still feel your presence surrounding me every where I go. I know your looking over me and touching me when I'm stressed and feeling blue for your compassion was so special like that. 
Steven...Recently my days have been filled with sorrow and bitterness and I know you know why. There's just so much confusion and things here are just so not right since you left. At one time, I thought the word "Family" meant just that, every one would stick by each others side and do the right thing in order to have trust, but now I have my doubts. I know your not at peace with this and I'm so deeply sorry, just know, all this is not my doing nor can I ever make it right, nor will I even try. But, I do want you to know is that I forgive them Steven, for you yes, but, most of all, for myself. If there is one thing that I have learned from you and what will always remain in my heart...I would have to say what was some of your last words to me and that is...."Forgive them Boo...for in order to be FORGIVEN, YOU must FORGIVE." Therefore, I will move on Steven and not let this take a hold of me nor bring me down in anyway. Maybe someday, people will come to terms, do whats right and you can surely "Rest In Peace" my love. 


Sadly missed,
Boo
143

Tears for You.....

All I do is think of you each and every second of my days ...today is so one of them very emotional days Steven. My heart deeply bleeds for you so much with each tear drop that falls from my eyes. I'm so deeply hurt...I feel that every day that I'm here without you, a little bit more of me dies. I so deeply long for your love again Steven...for you to hold me one more time just to say "I love you Boo"and every things gonna be ok." I know I told you I would be alright...but that in itself was just a lie...I'm not ok ! I soooooo miss you ! :'( <3 Boo

Bullfrogs and Butterflies

• Today I went and visited you... as I do each and every day...
• But today was something special... in each and every way.
• As I sit here thinking could it all be true...
• For I know it was amassing... that this could just be you.
• They say that things do happen... to those who are in love.
• But could this be happening... from Heaven up above ?
• So here you sat aimlessly... all quiet & so still...
• As if you know my presence... and thoughts of you still.
• So I looked at you as if I knew... that this could just be....
• Your my one and only Prince... who's come to rescue me :)

Today I went to plant flowers at my husbands grave site. Upon doing so, a frog leaped from the dirt and stood by my side, in this plant pot, the whole time I was there planting. I do believe that things (whither they be strange to you or not) happen for some reason that are unexplainable. But I truly believe that this was my TRUE LOVE watching over me this day :)


My Dearest Steven, 
Thank you for watching over me in your own special way. 
I love you still and always will.
143-Your Wife, Betty

Fathers Day

A Dad gives hope
When life is low
A Dad's a place
Where you can go

A Dad is honest
A Dad is true
A Dad is precious
My DAD is You

Happy Father's Day

Deeply Missed 

<3 SKR <3

PurpleLight Rhode Island

To all my friends, this is just a reminder to "Save A Date".

 I hope to see you there. 
Click on the link for further details.

PurpleLight Rhode Island 2011

Location: Rhode Island State House Providence

Time: ‎6:00PM Sunday, November 20th

Missing You

As I laid there beside you,
Could you sense me being there?
With my arm wrapped around you,
Could you feel me there?

I was talking about all the good times we shared,
For me they were every single day.
I wanted you to feel all my love and comfort,
And sadness in some way.

As I watched your every breath,
And prayed that each one wasn't your last.
The time we got to share together,
Went by too quick...Too fast.

I wanted you to wake up,
Please love...Open your eyes.
Tell me this is a nightmare,
And not one of our goodbyes.

As your last breath grew closer,
We layer there peacefully together.
My heart continually breaking,
Because I wanted you forever.

Then there it was,
Your final breath of air.
I didn't want to believe it,
This is so cruel and so not fair.

I held your beautiful face,
And prayed you'd breath again.
I wasn't ready for you to go,
I couldn't admit that this was the end.

But then I realized that you were now in peace,
And not suffering anymore.
You were beginning the life of an Angel,
And your body would no loner be sore.

I held you close and squeezed you tight,
And tried to say goodbye.
I've lost my lover and my number one best friend,
All my heart could do is cry.

I slowly got up,
I wanted so much to stay.
I leaned over and gave you one more kiss,
It was so hard to walk away.

Babe you are my entire world,
And I miss you so very much.
I wish I could feel your sweet caress,
And your soft and gentle touch.

But for now I have to wait,
Until we meet again.
You will always be in my heart and thoughts,
My dear love and best friend.

Always and Forever,
Our hearts will always touch.
Always and Forever,
Your wife loves you so much.

Card of Thanks

Angry !!!

So it turned out to be one of them days....
I woke up after such a restless night as usual but this time in such angry & was upset mood with the world, especially with Steven. All I could do is cry and call out to him "How could he leave me like this ? "I'm feel so......alone and so scared ? I'm trying so hard to keep myself in composure but today is so not the day ! How can I ever forget you ? Theres so much around me that reminds me of you.....

O-Dear Jesus....

In Remembrance

Today was a special day for me.....

With tomorrow being Memorial Day, I decided to head out early on a adventure for some flowers for Steven's grave with my daughter Carrie. There was so many to chose from, all where so beautiful in bloom & color. It's so sad for I never in my wildest of dreams, did I ever think this day would come, that I would bury my husband, let alone buy flowers for his grave.

To all my family & friends who would like to give there respects or just stop and visit.....

Steven now resides at North Burial Cemetery in Providence, RI

S.K.R.

R.I.P. My Love

Sadly Missed

143-4-ever

Letter from Heaven

O-Dear Jesus....I know Stevens now with you. Please send him my deepest of LOVE for I so miss him. I know he is now my Guardian Angel for the Sun now shines more upon me but, today there is nothing but gray skys..........

Today.....I woke up after such a restless night as usual but this time in such an angry & was upset mood with the world and  especially with Steven. All I could do is cry and call out to him "How could you leave me like this ?" I feel so......alone and so scared ? You do so remain in my Heart but, your  not in my presence. I'm trying so hard to keep myself in composure but today is so not the day ! How can I ever forget you ? Theres so much around me that reminds me of you.....

Sad Day

Another exhausting day.....I continue to visit Stevens grave on a daily basis. Today was such a sad day going there for all the beautiful flower where now gone. This brought tears to my eyes to see just a pile of dirt with two flowers scattered on top. His remembrance picture remained intact and was placed so kindly at the head of the grave. Carrie and myself where in awe.....just not understanding to the fact that all them once beautiful flowers have now been gone. I thought to myself " my how everything on earth eventually dies". I gathered some stones and placed a "143" blow his picture while Carrie drew a " Heart " . Placement of Stevens grave stone just cant be done fast enough....:(   143-SKR <3

What A Day !!

Well its been one of them crazy days when I decide to clean out the basement. At first I thought I could handle it but NOT. There was boxes and boxes to go threw. I never, in all the years that I've know Steven, have I know him to be such a Pack Rat....papers....ooh my goodness...pay stubs since 1980. (Sorry love, your secret is out.) Looks like Im gonna need a heavy duty shredder or a incinerator. *smile* That was just one of my funny moments. On the other hand, it was also very depressing. Going through all his things made me feel like I was invading his privacy yet it was something that had to be done. Although finding old pictures of us, old holiday cards and little mementos he had saved over the years just made me cry. Who would of thought that such little things meant so much to him. Hummm...they say that giving away a deceased ones things is all part of finding closure but, I don't see that as being possible, for most of Stevens things I wont even part with. So for now, instead of 20 boxes, I now have 6. My love, I'm deeply missing you :( 143-4ever SKR

How He Loves Us - Kim Walker / Jesus Culture

Thoughts

All I have to say is Steven & I where so made for each-other. We have been through so much during our time together. Some happy moments along with some sad ones. But by the grace of God, we became one and even though our marriage was short lived, we cherished the moments, days, hours & seconds we had together. I will always love you Steven with all my heart, from my head to my toes. There's no love like this and if some one out there knows this kind of love, I so adore you. Our memories together will be cherished for eternity. Steven, I loved you from the first day we met ( At Shabooms ) and I have grown that love for you so deep yet deeper then one can imagine. Our only hope was to grow old together but God had a plan for only you and now I must wait my turn. I will miss you dearly but I'm reassured that some day, we will be together again. I love you Steven K River....just remember that :) And if you don't know...(as you always said) then you better ask somebody :) <3

My Love

Emotionally Drained

Emotionally drained today. It's been raining for days. Today I visited Stevens grave...I can't help but feel saddened. I just wanted to ball my eyes out but I'm strong willed to not break down, not yet anyhow. I hate coming home to an empty house, sitting on the couch where he once laid and sleeping on the bed where we once shared our most interment nights. I just wanna thank you Jesus for holding me up with your hands.

May 17,2011 To My Dearest Husband

7:40 am

My Dearest Husband....today you will R.I.P. I will weep not for sadness,not for sorrow,but for joy. Joy for having someone so SPECIAL as you in my world. You where my LIFE, and will always remain....my soul-mate & my best friend. I will miss you beside me my love, but I will forever feel your presence until well meet again. 

Forever in my Heart SKR...♥ 
Love, your wife Boo 143

6:05 pm

Today I laid my husband to rest. It was a very touching ceremony. Stevens brother Allen said a touching eulogy for his heart about Stevens life, it was very touching to hear all of the funny things Steven did as a child and yet to hear the sad things about Steven. His sister Marilyn recited the letter she wrote and read to Steven before he passed that was very touching. His oldest sister Cheryl sang a touching song followed by Uncle Paul speaking a few words about God. Then it was time for the cemetery. The car possession was over 50 cars long. Song and prayer where  done by his grave as he lye. All I could do is deep breath and hold my composure and myself from falling as my son Shawn held onto my side. It's so final .... It’s so heartbreaking to see the one person I ever so truly love, placed to rest. Heaven has called upon him to live in the kingdom of God. There's no more pain, no more suffering, just peace. Today I weep for joy and not sorrow , not for sadness. Joy for having someone so special as you in my world. You where my life, you where my world Steven and you will always remain my soulmate and my best friend. I will miss you sitting and lying beside me but will forever feel your presence until we meet again. 
Your forever in my heart SKR....
Love, your wife, Boo 143-4ever <3

May 16, 2011 Emotional Day

1:48 pm

Been up since 4:30, I just can't sleep. My anxiety level is out of control. Today's Steven wake...God give me the strength to make it threw this difficult day. I can't stop thinking of Steven.... My heart bleeds so bad. I need a good cry.:(

11:54 pm

Very emotional day and night. Steven looked like Steven but sleeping in the coffin. It was so difficult for me to see and face the fact that my soulmate is now diseased. His face was cold to touch with the color of a light brown. One would think he actually had a smile or a smirk to him. The funeral hall was packed with friends and family. Steven always told me he had a lot of friends but I never imagined it would be so many. Steven was a good man, well respected and liked by many. Why did this have to happen ? I miss him so much that my heart bleeds deeply. Oh God, why ? What's your plan for us that remain here on earth ? It's so going to be a long night with much needed sleep but the inability to do so. Tomorrow, tomorrow will be filled with sorrow as I lay my husband to rest. Lord...hold me up !

MEMORIES

~~~~~~SADLY MISSED~~~~~~

May 15,2011 PURPLE-STRIDE/RHODE ISLAND

10:19 pm 

Today was our walk for Pancreatic cancer. Family and friends attended in Stevens Honer. It was very touching and I'm forever so grateful for so much support. Steven....we all love you so dearly and wish you was still with us so you could have joined us in the march today. I hope we all made you proud and you smiling down at us. Thank you for holding off the rain on our perade. :) You always did say “they never knowledge Pancreatic Cancer as they do any other type of Cancer.” Well we all attended today to let it be known that we too are fighting for a cure so loved ones like you won’t suffer as you did. I do know your in a better place, a place in the Lords land where pain and suffering is no more. I love you with all of my heart and soul from my head, to my toes.:) I know your watching over me, I feel your presence every waking hour and feel your touch every time I close my eyes. I want you to know, I will be ok, for someday, we will be together again....we are SOUL-MATES. We took a vow to be man and wife, a vow to "until death does is part" but as far as I'm concerned, death has not parted us. I love you SKR <3 ...we will be together again, I can promise you that. 

Much Love, your Boo 143-4 ever <3

May 14,2011

The time is getting closer for Steven to lye and rest in peace. The wake is on Monday followed by the funeral on Tuesday. This is going to be one of the hardest and most difficult things to do. Thanks be to God, he has held me up with both hands. Tomorrow is another day.

May 13,2011

It's been another heart wrenching day. Thank God for all my family and friends. I'm trying to hold myself together but at times, it's so hard. I have my good moments when I think of all the good times we have shared. The times he would sing to me, the times he held my hand to the times he would awaken before me and make my coffee before going to work. God, I ask of you to help guide me and give me strength in my heart and in my soul on these saddened days to come.

May 12,2011

This morning at 4:35 am I lost my best-friend, my soulmate my lover. God has taken him. Taken him away from all his pain and suffering, in his sleep as I for prayed for, with me by his side. Thank you Jesus....Thank you Jesus. Stevens night started out rested as I laid beside him,resting my head on his right shoulder and my arm across his chest at midnight. He remains in oxygen with continued shallow breathing. He has been slipping in and out of consciousness with only a few spoken words that are exhausting to him with every breath he takes. I lay here scared and frightened with my eyes closed but not in a deep sleep. I awaken with ever bit of noise my ears hear. As the hours pass by, I can see and hear Stevens respirations slowing down and his body becoming colder as I lay here touching him. He has removed all the bed linen that covered him and assured me he was ok and not cold. I thought to myself " is he thinking that the weight of the sheets will stop him from rising up to heaven ? " I wonder ! It's now 4 am and I'm hearing nothing but slow breathing. I knew it was time and started to weep silently. Then Steven startled me by talking and moving. I suddenly uplifted myself in bed and looked over to him as he laid on his back mumbling words while rising both arms up into the air calling out in works of tongue. I asked him "Steven, are you ok ? What's wrong ?" Steven replied in a low raspy tone "God" so softly that I had to ask again " what's wrong Steven ?" I proceeded to go sit beside him and proceeded to ask him again...”Steven, whats wrong ?” and that's when he said to me " God, God, don't you see him ?" he then pulled me into him with both his arms with all the strength that he had left and whispered in my left ear...."God" As I looked into his glossy eyes, I in turn said "God ! Steven, you see God?" Steven then replied "Yes, God" it was at that moment that I knew it was time to say my last goodbye. “Steven, you see God, go with him, go Steven, he's waiting for you, I will be ok, go with him to heaven where there's no more pain, no more suffering, go Steven.” Stevens respirations ceased within minutes. Thank you Lord for taking him in a peaceful way. Thank you for taking him with you. Thank you for all the love you have shown us all through or toughest of times....Thank You Jesus !! <3