March 27,2011

6:56 pm

Well it's Sunday and yes we finally went out:) even though it was just a ride from Providence to Newport and back home, it was fresh air. Steven didn't want to stop anywhere so we came back home following a two hour ride and yep, he's back on the couch ! Sick again ! I don't know how long he's gonna survive this horrible cancer. He still weighs in at 110 pounds. Last night, he refused to have his TPN for he states “Its not helping me, its making me worse.” I know it’s his choice but with all the vomiting he does throughout the day, he’s body needs the nutrients and right now, thats the only way he gets any. O-Well, back to work tomorrow. Time to get things together

....Later !

March 26,2011

Here we go again. Woke up at ten, cleaned, showered and now dressed to go nowhere. Stevens asleep on the couch due to a painful restless night. I'm sitting beside him while playing games on my iPod. What a way to spend a day off. Well...let see what today brings. So far, it sucks !! Maybe tomorrow will be better....:)

March 24, 2011

5:38 pm

So forgot to log in yesterday but nothing out of the ordinary happened. Stevens still dealing with the constant stomach pain and vomiting after he eats anything. He's now weighing 105 pounds. This stomach cancer is brutal. He spends all his time watching television while lying on the couch. He very seldom goes anywhere with the exception of doctors appointments. He now receives TPN every other night and has been refusing to take his night time insulin. It seems to me that he has become one angry man. Often I can hear him crying while in the bathroom and praying to God. “Please GOD forgive me.” He tries to hide his emotions from me, but I know exactly if not close to it, how he feels. As for me, well I still spend most days working then it's home bound for me. Life has been a real challenge since we got married. Thank you Lord for one more day with my husband.

March 22,2011

                                                                   

9:22 am
Well it's my day off, the sun is shining and Stevens still in bed. It's headache city for me. Hopefully the day will get better.

10:21 pm 

I decided to take Steven for a ride and to get a bite to eat. Fresh air will do him good. The car ride was short for Steven was getting sick so we came home . Yep! The story of my life. I know he's sick but why am I the one who seems to suffer the most. Am I just being selfish. Please Lord give me the strength to pull myself together. Maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day for Steven and I ......good night !

MARCH 20,2011

6:39 pm

So not a great day today. Steven has been in pain for the last few days making life a bit difficult to deal with. I feel so helpless for theres nothing I can say or do to ease his pain. I have spent all my nights home after a long day at work . It's now starting to take a toll on me. I’m so emotionally drained and scared. I’m starting to wonder if this is what's to come this summer... Taking care of a dying husband...I so hope not ! It was just this past September that we said our vows and where suppose to live happily ever after, until death does us part. Oh dear GOD....I don’t wanna PART !!!!  

Why Lord, why have you chosen my love ? 

Living with a loved one who has Pancreatic Cancer

My Story

Living with a loved one who has Pancreatic Cancer

It all started in January of 2008. Steven developed jaundice in color and required an emergency room visit. Thats when his life changed from then on. The fight for his life.

January 07,2008 : Steven underwent a ERCP for a total of six hours, to obtain a biopsy of his Pancreas.

January 08,2008 : The Stent that was placed yesterday for the bile to drain is doing its job, but Steven is not out of the woods as of yet. More testing is to be performed to make a final diagnosis. 

January 14,2008 : Steven underwent Whipple surgery that took a total of eight hours to complete. They have discovered he has a tumor on his Pancreas and therefore removed. Steven was placed in ICU and remained there until January 28,2008.

February 04,2008 : Steven is well enough to go home but his fight is not over yet.

During the remaining years that follow Stevens surgery , he continued to fight for his life. The cancer has now attacked his stomach. He has undergone two chemotherapy cycles and one radiation cycle within 3 years of having his cancer.  If it wasn't for the faith in God that he so had, he would have passed years ago. The story you are about to read from here on is about Stevens final days as looking through my eyes, experiencing my feelings and thoughts while watching a loved one die.. The days he, Steven....so put his life in the Hands of GOD............